You forget
by Superis
Summary: - - - Some things you don't need to remember.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own OHSHC.

**A/N:** I haven't actually written anything too great, really.  
I'm looking for something to blame it on and drawing a blank.

* * *

_Every now and then, even when you're happy, you feel hollow._

* * *

**S**he had rolled over in her sleep a thousand times over. The moonlight flits through the windows. The clouds sweep across the sky. The curtains dance in the wind.

But no sleep comes to her. She sits up in bed, throwing aside all hope of closing her eyes and dreaming. Haruhi slides out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping form next to her. She glances at him and feels her heart soften.

And harden at the same time.

* * *

_You wait in the wings._

* * *

She taps the 'Enter' key on her laptop lightly, her fingers not typing in anything at all. It's almost as if she waits for something to appear of its own accord and not hers. When nothing comes to her after several aching moments, she places her fingers over the 'Off' key and presses lightly. The laptop's screen fades.

_Going to sleep_, it tells her.

Where's her 'Off' button with a blue light nearby?

She gets up and sighs softly, moving over to one of the bay window's in her – _their_ – room. Haruhi has been married for nine weeks now. She still cannot grasp it.

* * *

_For how long, exactly?_

* * *

Pressing herself to the cold glass, she feels a throbbing sense of relief momentarily. It ices up her insides. The ice thaws as her skin grows accustomed to the new temperature reluctantly. Haruhi wishes her insides would freeze again, so she wouldn't have to deal with the things she felt.

It's as if her heart suffers from a dull, constant ache. It aches with happiness. It aches with unfamiliarity. It aches with loss. It aches with doubt. It aches with faith.

Who wouldn't want their heart frozen?

Haruhi wouldn't bother with her feelings if she knew why she felt like this – but she doesn't. She has no idea what could arouse this feeling of insecurity.

_Insecure about my own feelings_, she thinks. She kneels against the soft, expensive padding of the bay window, almost sinking into it, her back pressing against the window pane. She looks at her hands; her nails still have varnish on them. Gold, pale nail varnish. One of the few colours she found acceptable only because it's barely visible. Her hands ball up into petite fists. She holds that anger for several moments. She's not sure how long. Then she lets go. Her palms bear little dents from her nails – they had dug into her flesh. Why is she not feeling anything? She raises her hand to her upper arm. It's like ice.

_Has the ice from the night passed to me?_

She bows her head and opens the white gold locket around her neck, a small smile forms on her face as she sees her mother's smile. Her body feels warm, suddenly. Sometimes, being alone isn't a bad thing.

_But…_

She clicks the locket shut gently and tucks it beneath her nightgown. The wind picks up and whips against the window. The trees wave violently in protest. Haruhi narrows her eyes, straining to see something in the distance.

_A kite?_

The kite picks up, flying higher and higher. But who ever is flying it either let go or couldn't handle it – it rises to the heavens. She wonders where it will go to.

"Haruhi?"

She turns to see him sitting up in bed, his hands thrown over her side in search for her body amongst the sheets.

"_Haruhi?"_ He whispers more frantically, "This isn't funny, you know!"

She can't help it. She bursts out laughing.

* * *

_Won't you ever break that cycle?_

* * *

"Haruhi, that wasn't nice of you!" He whines, falling to his knees in front of her and burying his face in the hem of her nightgown theatrically.

She plucks her nightgown out of his grasp, "I did nothing to encourage that, Tamaki, it was your own doing."

"I know, but you could have at least answered when I called your name." He sits on the floor, gazing up at her like a loyal disciple.

Haruhi doesn't answer. She continues to gaze at the lashing window and angry mob of trees.

"Haruhi?"

"Mm?"

"Are you…OK?"

* * *

_  
That change. That ending. That beginning._

* * *

"Yes, why do you ask?" She blinks.

He leans forward slightly; his breath is warm even through the material of her nightgown when he speaks, "You look odd."

She presses her lips together, unsure of what to say in reply to this statement. Tamaki didn't say things like _'You look odd'_ – he said things like _'You look cute'_ or something else equally obscene.

"Tamaki?"

"Eh?"

"Do you ever think about…before?"

"No."

Haruhi looks at him strangely, "Do you _even know_ what 'before' is?"

Tamaki stands up and shuts all of the windows slowly, "I may be making an incorrect assumption, but I'm guessing you're talking about the past."

"Obviously."

"Then my answer stands: no."

She looks up at him, "How can you not think about the past?"

"It just makes my mistakes clearer than before, Haruhi."

"That doesn't mean you don't think about it at all."

There's an echoing silence.

"I do think about it." He admits after careful thought, "But not a lot."

"Why?"

He closes his eyes. It's such a Haruhi-like thing to ask people question's so innocently and not be aware of the effect.

"I'm sure you know why."

Haruhi opens her mouth. _His mother? His family? His father? His grandmother? France? Past friends? Arguments? Éclair?_

And then she closes it.

* * *

_It can't really be happiness if you're feeling 'hollow' can it?_

* * *

"You can't tell me," She swallows, "You want to forget?"

Tamaki laughs. It's different from his usual laughter.

"Never."

She tilts her head curiously.

"The past isn't only filled with bad things; it has more rays of sunshine than we notice."

* * *

_Close your eyes against the light when it's too bright._

* * *

His breath mists up the glass as he speaks, warm clouds of smoke rise and fall as his lips part, "I'd never forgive myself if I forgot."

Haruhi watches him for a while. Standing there, still proud even dressed in nothing but a pair of jeans. She still can't understand how he just fell asleep in jeans when he got home. His head is lowered slightly, gazing down at the field stretched before them, his deep violet eyes catching the lingering light and making them seem lilac.

_I'm not alone after all,_ she says to herself,_ even when I want to be._

Tamaki turns to face her, his eyes still shining lilac, "You forget that we both have work today – its 2:30 in the morning, Haruhi."

She suddenly shudders, the cold caught up with her.

Just when she remembered she wasn't alone.

* * *

_Does it make you more vulnerable?_

* * *

Tamaki envelopes her in his arms, "You're frozen."

She's glad for his warmth. For his touch. For him.

She nestles against his shoulder, her locket has pressed against both their bodies.

He carries her to their bed and lays her down gently, covering her and tucking her in. He presses his fingers to her cheeks, "Are you warm?"

"No." She says truthfully.

* * *

_Through that vulnerability. That happiness. That hollowness. That waiting.  


* * *

  
_

As soon as she feels his body next to hers, she kisses him. It's a demanding, soft, wanting kiss.

He kisses her back, just as softly. Just as demanding. Just as wanting.

She begins to feel warmer.

Pressing herself to his body, she feels their limbs intertwine. Her hand raking through his golden hair. She feels his arms encircle her and bring her even closer.

"Tamaki?" She says, slightly out of breath. His lips run along her collarbone.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

* * *

_That breaking. That change, ending and beginning. That feeling. That light._

* * *

He places one of his warm hands against her jaw line, stroking it softly, "I love you too."

She lowers her gaze, a smile creeping to her lips alongside a blush. For in the nine weeks she had been married, she had momentarily forgotten why she married Tamaki.

The locket pressed in between their bodies was from him.

* * *

_Do you think I would ever forget?_

* * *

Everything moves faster. The sheets separating them disappear. The clothes separating them disappear. It's just two people in love. Making love in the moonlight.

"I-I'm – I've never—"

"Haruhi," He says softly, "I know that."

She feels comfortable in his arms. She feels safe. She rests against the bed as he leans forward, kissing her gently. She pushes against him, wondering why he's taking so long. He parts her legs, running his hands along the inside of her thigh.

Her hands grip the sheets.

He enters slowly and she finds herself losing her breath. It's foreign. It's unusual. It's sensual. She _wants more._

Then the pain rips through her. Her eyes fill with tears. She feels Tamaki pull away but she stops him "N-no."

* * *

_I would never forget that you are my euphoria,_

* * *

Their bodies press together, moving in perfect sync. His mouth hot on hers, savouring the taste. Her lips feel his tongue push through and she wraps her arms around him. She's no longer cold. She wonders if she's making any noise. Haruhi wants to scream, but all she can do is moan and succumb to the pleasure. He continues to touch her. To ravish her.

* * *

_Never._

* * *

Somewhere amongst the angry, protesting trees outside and the never-ending stretch of waving, green grass, a kite soars through the sky – not bound by a string or by a hand. It passes the room where the two soul mates make love, but neither of would notice unless they saw it in the reflection of each other's eyes.

* * *

The sun rises a few hours later, their limbs tangled together and breathing softly. Her head rests on his chest which rises and falls with every breath. His arms are wound around her protectively, their hands linked together.

And in between their linked hands is her locket.

The sun glints proudly.

And her pale, invisible nail varnish glints back.

* * *

_You forget, don't you?_

* * *

- - -** F**_in_.


End file.
